Maine Day 24: Magic Tree

Today we woke up in Portland, with Stacy, on Munjoy Hill, and it kind of hit me that without Geoff, who is the planner, I really didn't have much of a plan. You would think I would have realized that before the moment of, but with three children in tow you're really lucky if you can see as far as your hand in front of your face at times.

I knew I needed to commit to actual nights we'd be staying with the friends I'd spoken to along the way home, but I hadn't decided yet.  So I tossed all three children into the tub together to play while I sorted things out thanks to the use of Stacy's wi-fi and a half hour or so of texting, calling, and actually putting pen to paper to make ourselves an itenerary.

Then I got them all dressed, down the stairs, out the door, packed into the van, and just as I was bringing down the last load, I felt suddenly ill.  I wasn't sure if it was a panic attack, or what, but I felt as though I might faint. 

The morning that we loaded the van in Hershey, PA back at the start of the trip, I had a strange sensation: the feeling that my heart skipped a beat.  It came in a moment I was very stressed, and I thought that stressed caused it.  I wondered if I'd done this to myself, and sure enough, a quick Google search is usually enough to send you into a state of panic and self-blame.  I remember reading, "Alcohol can directly damage heart cells."  Well, no more wine for me.  But it went away.  And came back sporadically throughout the trip.  And so I imbibed, sporadically, throughout the trip, unsure what the heck was going on but sure that wine with a meal would be a welcome addition.  It didn't occur to me that whatever I was feeling in here in this moment on the sidewalk of Atlantic Street and the heart-skipping moments peppered throughout the past month may have been related, but I now realize they may have been.  And possibly that I needed to be on a heart monitor.  (Nothing new to me; a physician found I had a heart arrythmia a couple years before I was pregnant with Cannon, but it never amounted to anything problematic.)  But now...I still don't know what's going on yet.  (Writing Nov 2, 2017)

The children saw me after a few minutes and brought me flowers and crabapples.  I tried to stay upright so passersby on the sidewalk would not ask what was wrong.  Eventually, I felt well enough to stand, finish loading, and off we went.

We began with a morning on the Eastern Promenade, then off up through the Dresland Farmlands and north towards central Maine, our old home.

This is what I saw.